Of Monsters and Girls
by girlswithaxesdontwrite
Summary: "When she won the Games, proving an impressive control of her axes, many people were surprised and very pleased with her ability. I was crying my eyes out. [.…]I felt so exhilarated because she was alive and, if I was lucky enough (and coming from a family like mine I would be), I would have had a chance to meet her." The story of Johanna and her love from the Capitol.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Thanks to Illuminated Blackness for the beta and to my friend E whose love for Of Monsters and Men inspired the title. As usual, I do not own The Hunger Games, if I did there would be a lot more Johanna on it.

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Chapter One

The first time I saw Johanna was at the Reaping of the seventy first Hunger Games. She was screaming and crying, so ironically, everybody in the Capitol felt sorry for her. Even in the interview, she looked so lost and afraid of the Games. Nobody really thought she was going to survive for long. I, however, felt there was something more; something this young girl was hiding behind that mask of fear and hysteria.

When she won the Games, proving an impressive control of her axes, many people were surprised and very pleased with her ability. I was crying my eyes out. I didn't know exactly why; I just felt so exhilarated because she was alive and, if I was lucky enough (and coming from a family like mine I would be), I would have had a chance to meet her.

At the Capitol, virtually everybody is invited to the party at the end of the Victory Tour. There's an annual dinner to honor the new Victor with the largest circus the Capitol can offer. My family was, at the time, one of the richest families in all of Panem. However, being the heir of a fortune has its pros and cons. My mother was the most important fashion icon in her youth, and therefore, it was my duty to keep the title in the family. I don't have any siblings, so there's no one else who can inherit it. It's not that I don't enjoy fashion, but I'd rather leave the trend-setter task to other people. In any case, I would usually try not to call so much for attention at parties, but it is quite complicated when you have something that looks like an entire peacock on top of your head. Also, I found it hard to simply chat all night with people who aren't exactly your friends knowing that they smile at you now, but at the moment you turn your back, they will judge you. I guess the Capitol wasn't precisely heaven for me.

Despite all this, I worked really hard with my stylist for an entire month to put together the perfect outfit for Johanna's party. I knew that the whole Capitol thing would be overwhelming for her, so I wanted my dress to be beautiful, but not as extravagant as others I've worn. I chose a simple ball gown in an earth color with golden foliage going around my upper chest and my waist. It also had a sweep train. We added some golden bracelets and hair accessories as well. My hair was up in a bun with some strand falling out in an intended messy style; keeping it in my natural brownish shade. We took advantage of my pale skin to give it a golden shine, basing my make-up on that, a dark eye shadow and black eye liner, with no color on my lips. We couldn't have been happier with the result; I looked stunning and simple, almost modest in my outfit.

The party was one of the biggest ones I've ever seen, and everything was decorated District Seven-like, with trees and wood everywhere. Everything had a green tone, even most of the guest's dresses, so I couldn't help but feel a twinkle of pride at the attention my dress was getting. Although I looked quite confident, my heart was beating hard, my breathing was fast, and I found myself extremely nervous and anxious.

When Johanna finally arrived, everybody stared at her in awe. She was wearing a lacy sand-colored short dress with a long sweep train. Her short brown hair had some red locks and her make-up was even less than mine. Some would have said she was defying every single dress at the Capitol. Even my mother was questioning her stylist's choice.

"Whoever sends this girl like this to a party of such importance for her should be punished" I remember her saying to almost everyone that approached her.

Of course, I had no interest in any of her or her friend's critiques, so I left to seek my chance to talk to the young victor.

I allowed some time to pass and waited patiently for Johanna to be left alone so I could introduce myself. I'm timid by nature, so complaining about how exhausting people are at the Capitol gives me a conversation starter. For some reason, I wanted her to like me. I felt a personal connection to her and it puzzled me not knowing why.

Finally, I spotted her near a table filled with fruit. I approached her timidly.

"Did you get tired of the Capitol already?" I asked with a smile, trying to keep my voice in a normal tone.

"I've had enough of this since the Reaping." She answered with a serious look and an aggressive tone, almost like she wanted to throw something at my face. I hope it wasn't an axe.

"It must be really hard…everything they make you do and say. You can't be yourself, you have to follow the rules, no questions asked and all of it with a smile on your face" I tried to sound reassuring, like I also knew what she was going through.

"Look, I don't know what kind of problems you think you have but I bet they aren't as remotely hard as mine, so maybe you should go looking for your best friend that understands how it's like not be able to decide which color to dye your hair next and leave me alone, 'cause you have no idea how it's like to be me." I could tell she was keeping herself from shouting the last bit. She looked furious, but I couldn't understand why. I opened my mouth to say something but there was a lump in my throat. I closed it again and she walked away, tears about to stream down her face.

I ran back to my mother and asked to leave, but she said it would be impolite to do so before President Snow's speech, so I claimed I wasn't feeling well, and she allowed me to be taken back home.

As soon as I arrived, I got into bed and was crying. Only I could be so stupid to ignore she wasn't like anyone I knew before; she wasn't from the Capitol, and I couldn't expect to understand her completely. Even more so, I couldn't expect her to understand me or my lifestyle.

I couldn't sleep that night. My head was full of thoughts about Johanna. It was all so clear in my head now…how could I ever comprehend what it is like to be forced to leave your family and fight to death with a group of kids? Her head right then must have been full of hate and guilt. Hate towards us, the Capitol, for making her do it and enjoy our meals and parties while the districts suffer. Guilt, because she had to kill those kids in the arena with such cruelty, and now she gets to attend parties, eat delicious food and have lots of money, all over their corpses.

I promised myself that I would meet her again and show her I was different, that the Capitol was many things, but that I wasn't a part of it. And maybe, just maybe, she could make me understand, and I could help her.

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A/N: Hope you liked chapter one! Please review and tell me what you think. Lots of things to come in this story, I promise it gets better!


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Thanks to Illuminated Blackness for the beta.

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Chapter Two

It was rumored in the Capitol that you could pay to "spend your time" with some Victors, usually the youngest ones. Of course, at that time I didn't know that, so I genuinely believed my mother invited her when I stepped into the living room, and Johanna was conversing with her.

I had spent the day reading in my room when the butler knocked on the door and announced that we had a guest. I refused to meet him at first, but he said my mother insisted that I should go down and join them.

Much to my mother's distaste, I went down without changing my clothes; wearing an old t-shirt, sweatpants and sneakers, and didn't have any make-up on. My mouth dropped open when I saw Johanna sitting on a couch wearing a beautiful short, green dress. She had some dramatic green eye shadow that made her look stunning and threatening at the same time. She was smiling, but I could tell it was forced.

My mother introduced us, and I mentioned that we had already met-at her victory celebration two months ago. Johanna made no comment about it, but it looked like she remembered me, or more accurately, remembered shouting at me. My mother addressed to me:

"Perhaps you two young ladies could chat in your room. I am leaving now. I have a commitment I must attend to." She spoke with her stupid accent and a grin. I wasn't in the mood for arguing, but even if I had wanted to, I couldn't have. Once again I was fighting against the lump in my throat.

"Of course," I answered, almost a whisper. I turned and started climbing the stairs; not looking at the girl behind me. I was so anxious, I didn't know what to do. I was supposed to talk to her for God knows how long, and I couldn't get a word out of my mouth.

We entered my room, and Johanna closed the door behind her. I turned slowly towards her, looking at the floor. "So…" I started, not knowing what to say. It didn't matter though, because she put her hands on my cheeks and kissed me, chastely at first, then more passionately. I couldn't answer at first, but as the seconds passed I closed my eyes and started kissing her back. Her lips where the softest lips I had ever kissed and it felt like nothing I had ever felt before, like just because it was her, it had some sort of special power. I knew then that I wouldn't want to kiss anyone else ever again, and if I did, it wouldn't feel as amazing.

I can't say if it was seconds or minutes that passed, but the need for air and the voice in my head telling me "this was wrong" made me pull back. She looked puzzled at my actions.

"Oh for fuck's sake, don't tell me you too want me to bring my axe." She said this like it was the most natural thing in the world.

I was still in shock and struggling to say something. My voice came out weak and high-pitched.

"Why did you do that?"

"C'mon! Stop the act. Like you didn't know why I was brought here." She was furious, like at the party. Her hands were on her hips, her dress unzipped already, although I didn't notice when she did it.

"Uhm…no, I don't know. I thought my mother invited you for some reason." My voice was normal now, but I was still very confused about all this. Why would she kiss me all of the sudden when we had just met? None of this made any sense.

"Invited me? She paid for me! Snow is making me do this. Do you seriously think I like being their hooker? I don't do this because I like it, I do it because I have no choice." She looked so hopeless; almost like she wanted to cry, but she pulled back her tears. Something told me she didn't said this to everyone and I felt a little more comfortable.

"Look, you don't have to do anything you don't want to. I knew nothing about this, and I don't want to force you either. Not like I really could force you; you would beat me any day." I smiled at the last bit. It was true, but apart from that, I wanted to lighten the atmosphere. If she relaxed a little, I could do so too.

She was more calmed, but still very serious. She thought how to answer for a few seconds and finished soothing herself.

"Okay. So what do we do? Drink tea and talk about fashion for four hours?" Of course, she used her sarcastic tone.

"If you want to, yes. Or we could sit here and you can talk to me about anything you want. I've heard things. I know that what they do to you, to everyone in the districts is wrong, and it's frustrating not being able to do something about it. You can tell me anything, I promise it won't leave this room. Then, when you leave, think about our talk and you can come back any time you want to talk to me, I'll listen." I sounded surprisingly reassuring, and I think she felt I was telling the truth. I honestly wanted to help her-be there for her. Truly, I could use the help too; there were so many things I wanted to share with someone, but nobody in the Capitol would understand.

"Fine, but you'll have to find something stronger than tea." I was almost certain she smiled. I smiled grinned too.

"Next time, I promise."

She told me about her home, her parents and her older brother, who had taught her how to throw the axes and how to fight. Everything sounded peaceful and beautiful. I could almost smell the forest just by listening to her. We talked about her prep-team and how exhausting it was to get ready for an event, and how annoying it was to be perfect all the time (this, I knew. Even more than her since I've been through it all my life). We talked about the Capitol, the people, and the things they do while ignoring how the districts suffer for them (us) to be comfortable.

When someone came looking for her, she thanked me for the talk. I could see she was honestly grateful for it and I allowed myself to hope she would come back.

That night, I had a dream. I was in a wooden house, wearing a light-blue cotton dress. I couldn't find the windows, but it smelled like a forest. Like Johanna's forest. Suddenly, the front door opened and Johanna walked in; carrying her axe. I smiled at her and she looked happy to see me. I asked her where were we, to which she replied "home".

I spend the next few days reading in my room, hoping she would come back. Every time someone knocked on my door, my heart started beating faster.

Almost three weeks passed before I saw her again, when she came to my house at almost midnight. The butler tried to throw her out, but luckily, I was passing by the door and saw her. She wasn't looking well, like she had been crying; like she had lost all hope. I took her to my room, and she burst into tears right in front of me. I hugged her, trying to calm her and asked what was wrong.

"He killed them!" She was starting to regain control of herself. "Snow killed my family because I refused to keep letting him sell me."

I held her tighter, not knowing what to say. My mind was full of anger and hate and a thirst for revenge like I've never felt before. This wasn't fair. She had suffered enough, and they wouldn't leave her alone. I made us sit in my bed and spoke calmly.

"I'm sorry, Johanna. I'm so sorry. There's nothing we can do now, but I promise you Snow will face consequences for this. We'll fight back. Together. It'll be dangerous, and you'll have to be patient, but we'll make him pay for this. I promise."

She wasn't crying now, but she was holding me tight, so much that there were bruises on my arms the next day. I made her look at me and kissed away the tears that were still on her face, then her forehead and her lips. Not with lust, but with love. She needed to feel that she was protected and this was all I could do.

She kept holding on to me until she fell asleep in my arms. I got her into my bed and lay down next to her. She woke up a couple of times, because she was having nightmares, but I was there to comfort her. That was the first night we spent together.

When we woke up the next morning, she looked a lot better. She told me she was coming back that night and promised to get something "real" to drink. She was acting like her normal self, but her eyes were depressed and angry.

At the front door she pressed a soft kiss to my lips, watched me blush, and walked away laughing.

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A/N: Chapter two! Please tell me how you feel in the reviews and keep reading! More to come in next chapters.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Again, thanks to Illuminated Blackness for the beta and the support. I've noticed in the reviews some of you have inquired after the girl's name. For now, I'm keeping it secret, kind of like the name of the Doctor in Doctor Who, although I might reveal it closer to the end if you ask me enough.

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Chapter Three

I'd never been a fan of alcohol, until I met Johanna. Not that I had much experience on drinking before I met her; I was barely eighteen. Then again, so was she, but I can't blame her for trying to put all the painful memories behind.

The night after I found out about her family, she came to my house again. We sat in the huge balcony; looking at the city. After an hour or so we had so much alcohol in our systems that we were laughing at anything and everything. We couldn't even have a proper conversation, because we had to stop mid-sentence to laugh at some word that sounded funny. Finally, we dragged ourselves to my room; escaping from the cold night. After I closed the door, I saw through the dark room none other than an already asleep Johanna spread on my bed. I made myself comfortable next to her and closed my eyes; intending to sleep. Almost immediately, I felt another of her quick kisses on my lips.

After a while, it turned into a habit. Johanna would come over every time she was at the Capitol and we would talk over drinks. Sometimes she would stay with me and sometimes she would kiss me. I would have thought it was because she was drunk, except that every time we did more of the talking and less of the drinking. And still, she never did more than that. I was frightened. Every time she left, I knew I was falling hard for her, and it was painful to think that she would most definitely tear my heart into pieces.

There was a month in particular when she came more often. It was right before the Reaping of the seventy second Hunger Games, when she would have to mentor two helpless children who didn't really stand a chance at the Games. She drank more those nights, and we didn't talk as much as we did the rest of the year.

During the weeks prior to the Games, I didn't saw her much because she had to stay at the training center; helping the kids in every way she could, but there wasn't much to do. Both her tributes died in the bloodbath.

She came to my house the night right after it happened and drank quietly. I would have expected having to calm her down, but she was keeping it inside her.

"They weren't anything special; there was no way they would've survived for long. But they were from home." That is almost everything she said that night. I was quiet too; doing the best I could to comfort her, but I knew that nothing was really going to make her feel any better.

After a night of sleep and nightmares, Johanna looked like her again, and we could carry on with our routine, but only because we both refused to watch anything related to the Games. Thankfully, my mother was never around, and she didn't notice that I wasn't paying attention to the Games or how much time I was spending with Johanna. She wouldn't have approved of our friendship or whatever it was we had going on between us.

She kept coming to my place for a few months, until one night when I had nowhere to go. I had the most enormous fight I'd ever had with my mother because of -you guessed it- Johanna. Eventually, someone told her about us, or she found out somehow. It was a matter of time, really, the Capitol is abundant with gossips, but we had tried to keep it quiet just in case President Snow wanted to show me the same kindness he had shown to Johanna's family. However, it was less likely due to who I am (or who my mother is, bless her).

Anyway, my mother found out, and she tried to convince me that such a connection wasn't well seen at the Capitol because of Johanna's "bad reputation". I'm sure it's the closest thing to a scandal my family has ever faced, but seriously, I was about to lose the only person I cared about just because someone doesn't find it appropriate. Of course, a discussion with my mother inevitably led to the problem of me being nothing like the daughter she would've wanted, and I couldn't take it anymore. I told her I was leaving and I didn't look back when she ordered me to stay.

I went to Johanna's apartment, which was not too far away from mine. I bumped into her at the door, about to leave for my house. She got me inside and asked what was wrong. I told her about the fight holding back the tears, but as soon as she asked how it started, I couldn't stop myself from crying.

"She wanted me to stop seeing you. How could I do that? You are the only person I care about, the only person who makes me feel understood and capable of pushing away the loneliness I've felt my whole life."

Until now, we had been sitting facing each other, but at this point she got up and sat next to me. She held me and comforted me until I stopped crying. Then she said:

"I care about you too. You are the only thing I have left and I couldn't bear to lose you as well. You've helped me so much-more than you could ever imagine. You are the most amazing person I've ever met and if your mother can't see that, then fuck her and everyone who thinks that can tell us what is right or wrong."

I raised my head that had been resting on her chest and looked at her, eyes probably red from the tears. Something in her eyes made me feel so protected and cared for that I couldn't stop myself from kissing her. I meant to break the kiss almost immediately; thinking she wouldn't approve what I had done. But when I tried to do so, she started kissing me back and put her hands on my cheeks to keep me exactly where I was.

The kiss was gentle and comforting at first, but after a minute or so it turned into a more heated and passionate kiss. Johanna took complete control of the situation and started pulling at my t-shirt. She pressed me down to the couch and put herself on top of me. She pulled my shirt off and touched me, pressing kisses down my neck.

I realized I was being too passive, so I unzipped her dress and kissed the place where her neck meet her shoulders. She took a second to enjoy my attentions and then spoke again, her voice low and husky:

"OK, if we are going to do this I'm gonna need more space. Do you want to see my bedroom?"

I might have sounded a tick more excited when I answered than I would like to admit.

"I'd love to."

—

"OK, so…that was…nice" I was lying in bed with Johanna next to me, resting her head on her hand, elbow on the pillow.

"Nice? It was bloody amazing!" I love the way her eyes look after sex when she's still in bed naked and with me.

"Yeah, it was pretty fantastic. I'm glad you enjoyed it too. If I'm honest, I was a bit worried that my lack of experience could be a problem."

"Well, I guess some things just come out naturally."

"Yeah. Especially when you are with someone you…you…" I was such an idiot. How could I save myself from this? Her eyes told me she wanted to know how that sentence was going to end. I'd had no intention of confessing it so soon, but then again, I'd been in love with her for over a year now. To me, at least it didn't feel like too soon.

"All right, this is going to sound weird, but I think I've felt it for a while and for some really stupid reason it decided to come out now. I love you, Johanna. Please don't kill me with your–"

I had to stop right there, because she kissed me deeply and passionately. I suppose it might have been her way of saying it back. I understand why she may be afraid of saying the words.

"–axe." She laughed at my silly plea. God, her smile. What I wouldn't do to see that more often? I laughed too, and she brushed a strand of hair away from my face; leaving her hand on my cheek.

I pulled at her arm so she would fall back on the mattress and sat on top of her. We laughed, and I tried not to show how surprised I was with my actions. I was acting so relaxed and so not like I'd had to act my entire life. However, there was a part that felt so right-like this was what I was supposed to do.

I lowered my head and kissed her for as long as I could before needing more air.

"You better be prepared to finish what you started if you're going to snog me like that"

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A/N: Hope you liked! Please review and share this story with all your tribute friends out there if you like. Next chapter it's a bit different but after that there's more coming.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Thanks to Illuminated Blackness for the beta. This chapter is just a short one to connect the events of last chapter with what's comming next. Still, I hope you like!

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Chapter Four

The morning after I "slept" with Johanna, I returned to my house with the intention of packing some clothes to leave. Instead, I found my mother sobbing in my bedroom. She was very upset, and she told me she was very sorry about the things she'd said the night before, and that she respected my decision of being friends with whoever I liked. I hugged her and promised I wasn't going anywhere. What else could I do? She wasn't my favourite person in the world, but she was still my mother. Also, Johanna and I needed some place to hide, anyway.

My relationship with Johanna didn't really changed much after that, apart from the fact that almost all our meetings involved sex at some point. I started going to her apartment instead of mine when my mother was at home. I could tell her I was going on a "beauty tour" (an expression she used to cover everything from shopping to a visit to the hairdresser), and that gave an entire day to spend it with Johanna.

To stop the gossip about us, we started going to bars and restaurants together. To add on, it was always in a group, and we almost never talked to each other. We both hated having to spend time with "friends", but it was crucial. However, I have some pretty good memories from nights out that included Finnick Odair in the group. He was attractive and funny and everyone was so busy looking at him that we could be more like us. He was the closest thing Johanna had to a best friend. The night I met him, while everyone was drinking, he talked to me, making sure no one could hear:

"So you're the reason for Johanna's constant visits to the Capitol." It definitely wasn't a question.

"Who told you that?" I questioned with a laugh. Maybe he would believe the lie that was clearly on my voice and leave me alone.

"Johanna," he said matter-of-factly with his charming smile-the one that made you tell him all your secrets. I must have made a face because he added, "Don't worry, your secret is safe with me. I just wanted to tell you that whatever you are doing to her, carry on with it, because she's the happiest I've ever seen her."

I gave him a grateful smile and he walked away; telling a joke to the group.

—

One night, Johanna and I were cuddled in my bed after a really nice couple of hours. We were exhausted, and neither of us had spoken for a while.

"I'm sorry I was so mean to you." I was almost asleep, but her voice woke me instantly -even though she said it very quietly.

"What do you mean?"

"The night we met. I was really angry, and I shouldn't have treated you like that." It was silly that her voice was so sad -like she had done a terrible thing.

"Hey, it's okay. You were right, I was saying something really stupid. I would have punched myself in the face."

"I'm glad you talked to me, though."

—

Another night, we were in a club with a small group of Finnick's admirers. Finnick was surrounded by people lost in his speech. I think he was telling a very moving story about his childhood in District Four when Johanna, who looked clearly bored by her friend, threw a look at me and walked in the direction of the toilets. I stared in awe at her. Those brown eyes were compelling me to follow her. I waited a couple of minutes to avoid any suspicion and followed her; not without catching Finnick's knowing look first.

I walked into an apparently empty room and called her with a whisper. All of a sudden, a hand grabbed me from the back of my dress and pulled me into one of the compartments; making me fall straight into Johanna's arms. I didn't get to say anything, because she kissed me hungrily and pulled my dress up to my waist. Her hands traced the known territory; sending ticklish sensations to every nerve of my body. Suddenly, she stopped, looked at me with dark eyes and said:

"See you later?"

She gave me her signature smirk and walked out to the mirror to re-apply her lipstick. I was still in shock and didn't move until she left. I also fixed my make-up and tried to look in control of my body, although my knees were still wobbly from our encounter. Good thing my mother would be on a spa retreatment for the next two days and I had the house all for myself. It wasn't like I was planning on letting Johanna out of my bed for the next two days, anyway.

—

I divided my time between Johanna, a social life, and work. I was working as an assistant to a very important fashion designer. I didn't care about the "designing process", but it gave me something to do while Johanna went back to District Seven, and my mother approved it, because it would help me learn about the business.

That is how my life was like when something changed and everyone in Panem could feel it. That something was called Katniss Everdeen.

A Quarter Quell was always a special occasion, but this time was different. I wasn't paying much attention to the screen when President Snow was announcing what would be special about the seventy fifth annual Hunger Games, but when I realised what he was saying, my heart skipped a beat.

Johanna was going back to the arena.

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A/N: Cliffhanger! Hope you liked the special guest in this chapter, Mr. Finnick Odair. As always, reviews are appreciated.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Thanks to Illuminated Blackness for the beta and to al my readers for the support. You guys are awesome! Happy New Year to you all!

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Chapter Five

I reacted instantly, grabbed a coat to protect myself from the cold, and bolted to Johanna's apartment. I knocked on the door and waited. From the other side, I heard nothing but silence for a few minutes until Johanna opened it. She didn't look like she'd been crying, but in her eyes there was a rage I'd never seen before. I hugged her as soon as the door was fully opened; tears coming to my eyes. Her apartment had suffered the consequences of her fury, but all I could think about was the possibility of losing her.

Johanna closed the door and took me to the kitchen. I sat on the table while she made some tea. None of us spoke during that time. I was thinking of possible ways to protect her, but I couldn't come up with anything useful. I didn't have the authority to pull her out of the Games. I couldn't go into the arena with her, and even if I could, I had no experience or combat skills. My mind darted to the closest thing I could do: spend more time with her. I decided to speak first.

"I could go with you. If my mother helps me, I can be on your prep team, and I'd be with you all the time. At least, until you have to go." My voice was shaking, just like my hands that couldn't even hold the hot cup she'd just gave me. I left it on the table, looking at it, because I wasn't brave enough to look at her. Johanna sat next to me and took my hands in hers.

"I would give anything to have you next to me 'till the very end. But I can't put you in danger and if there's something I've learned is that the Games is the most dangerous situation you could ever face. I don't want you to risk your life for me."

She kissed me and held me until I stopped shaking. I don't know how much time passed but it could have been hours. I was almost asleep when she whispered in my ear.

"Let's go to bed."

Johanna had nightmares almost every night. She didn't scream, move, or even wake when she had them. She just started shaking; sweating a cold sweat and closed her hands in fists grabbing the edge of the pillow. She told me they were never about the arena-for some reason she didn't seem to mind all the killing and gore. I think that in her nightmares, she always saw her family. She never knew what happened in them, but I learned how to calm them quickly. Trying to wake her never worked; the only thing I had to do was putting my arm around her waist and hold her tight against me. If the nightmare was too strong and even after doing that she was still shaking, I whispered calming words in her ear.

I don't think she slept that night. I did, but I couldn't stop the bad dreams from coming. I'm not sure how many times I saw Johanna dying right in front of me until I managed to wake up. It was almost dawn, and it took me a while to slow my breathing back to normal. Johanna was awake, and she tried to calm me by hugging me. However, I knew I would be fine because I was awake and with her, and she was alive. At least for now, she would.

Her building had a terrace filled with plants and flowers. It was very early in the morning, so no one would see us if we went up to have a cup of tea. We sat in a bench hidden by two trees, wrapped in blankets because of the cool air.

"When are you going back to District Seven?" I wasn't looking at her. I thought it would be too painful to bear having this conversation while seeing her eyes. She wasn't looking at me either.

"Tonight. The cameras will be there tomorrow morning for the Reaping. After that I'll be taken to the training center and then straight to arena." She made a pause and then looked at me with a small smile, although I was still looking into my cup. "We have today."

I couldn't hold anymore the tears in my eyes. I was so upset by everything. It just wasn't fair. I wasn't sure I even remembered what life was like before Johanna-how could I go back to it?

Johanna put her hand on my cheek to make me look at her. I hid my face on her neck and she spoke softly.

"There's nothing we can do about this. What we can do is try to enjoy today like it's the last day of both our lives. And I want to spend my day with you, if you want to spend yours with me."

I pushed to the back of my mind the idea of this being my last day with her, because deep down I knew there was a chance that it was true. I guess it was true all along, the odds are never in our favor. I calmed myself and looked at her with a soft smile.

"Of course I want to spend it with you."

Johanna smiled and kissed me. The scene was perfect for that kind of kiss. It's that moment when you realize you love someone so much you can't even begin to describe the way you feel about them. I wanted to make her promise she was going to come back to me, but I knew it would just make things worse. I didn't want to force her to lie to me.

Of course, we spent the day making love and eating ice cream in bed-what else were we going to do? At dusk I fell asleep in her arms, because I thought she was asleep. I'm not sure if the "I love you" I heard afterwards was real. Maybe it was just a dream.

I woke up a couple of hours later, and Johanna was already gone. There was a note on the pillow next to me:

_I'm sorry I'm leaving like this, but I'm afraid that if I wake you, I'll never be able to leave. Don't miss me too much, okay?_

_PS: Open the first drawer on my bedside table_

With the first tears already pouring, I obeyed the order on the paper. Inside the drawer I found a little velvet box, but I couldn't bring myself to open it.

I lay in bed for a while; staring at the white ceiling; doing nothing but thinking for hours. Should I watch the Games like everyone else? At least I would see her, but what if I saw her die? I didn't think I would have been able to sleep ever again if I saw that. Fuck, I didn't think I would have been able to live after something like that.

The next morning I went back to my house. My mother attempted to give me a sermon about how worried she had been, but I walked straight to my bedroom and slammed the door on her face. After changing my clothes, I remembered the velvet box. I sat on my bed and closed my eyes for a second before opening it.

Inside, there was a beautiful silver pendant with the form of an axe.

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A/N: Hope you liked! As always, review and tell me your thoughts con the story.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Thanks to Illuminated Blackness for the beta and to all my readers!

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Chapter Six

I fell asleep crying with the box between my hands. The nightmares were worse, and this time, Johanna wasn't there to calm me. I woke up in the afternoon and went down to the living room, where my mother was watching the Reaping. I wanted to run-fast and far away from all this. I'd just lost the woman I loved because of the Capitol, and now they were making me see her again. It was like they wanted everyone to know she was their puppet, just like every other Victor.

On my way to the kitchen, I saw Finnick being reaped with an old woman –Mags, Finnick's former mentor- who volunteered for a young girl. I figured that was Annie. I remembered Johanna and Finnick telling me about both of them. I wish I could've talked to Annie then; I had a hunch that she was feeling pretty much the same I was.

I made myself some tea and aimed for the stairs to go back to my bedroom, but my mother's voice stopped me.

"Sweetie, your friend's district is on!"

I wanted to ignore her, but I couldn't. I knew then that I was going to follow Johanna's path through the Games whether I wanted to or not. I returned to the living room and sat on a couch.

On the screen, there was a stage at the town's square where Johanna and the male tribute were standing next to their escort. Johanna looked lovely in her red dress, but she looked very angry, like she was about to beat everyone up. I couldn't stop myself from grinning at this. This time, she couldn't pretend to be weak, so she went for a different strategy and now she wanted to scare the tributes. That's my girl.

Actually, thinking about it, that's not my girl. When we were together alone she was very different from the Johanna that showed up at bars and parties. With me she was fierce and daring and badass, but when there was someone else in the room that wasn't Finnick, she was crueler with her comments. She was very sarcastic and acted like she didn't like anyone. To me, it felt like she was hiding her true self from everyone behind a wall, but I don't blame her. After all she had been through, she couldn't trust anyone. Almost anyone (and I couldn't stop the smile that crept to my lips with the thought of being one only two people in Panem that she trusted).

The days after passed with an amazing speed. I saw her at the Opening Ceremony, where she wore an awful tree outfit. I couldn't avoid thinking that if she had let me be a part of her prep team like I wanted to, I could have stopped that fashion crime. It was annoying really; she's so beautiful, and the fact that someone made her wear that pissed me off.

After that it was time for training. I saw her almost every day; waving her axe around, and it was hard for me to see her all covered in sweat without remembering every single time we had sex. She looked incredibly sexy with that axe, and I can see why some people might have asked her to bring it along when she was Snow's puppet.

After the scores where revealed, it occurred to me that there was one more thing I could do to help her: become her sponsor. I collected all the money I could from wherever I could get it, but it mostly came from my mother. I told her I was going on a "beauty tour" five times in the same week, and she gave me a lot of money every time. Lucky thing she didn't cared about me that much to notice! If she did, she must have thought that it was just me; starting to care about that stuff.

The first day was terrifying. I almost fainted when the countdown started but I held it together, because if I didn't, I would miss the rest. I saw her swim to the Cornucopia and grab an axe incredibly quick before guiding the District Three tributes and the man from her district into the tree line. The cameras stayed at the beach, and I couldn't see her anymore.

I used the post-bloodbath calmness to look for the person in charge of her sponsors. The party for the sponsors was filled with fat men eating and laughing at the tributes who died. It made me sick to watch them, but I tried to put my best face for Johanna's escort, who was responsible for her sponsors, since she had no mentors this time. I approached him politely and asked if could contribute to Johanna's survival. He looked at me up and down, and I felt so dirty because of it. Therefore, I almost puked right in front of him. He said it was remarkable for someone with my age and looks to be interested in being a sponsor, but that all help for Johanna should be given to District Twelve's mentor. You see, they had an alliance, and he was managing it. I smiled and thanked him before walking away, because I couldn't stand his eyes on me for one more second.

I seated at the bar and thought about what he said. Johanna had left with other tributes, which wasn't exactly what I had expected, but she must have had a reason for it. What was bothering me is that none of those tributes were from District Twelve, so how was that an alliance? Then, I saw that Katniss and Peeta were with Finnick and Mags, which calmed down my suspicions. If Finnick trusted them, then so did I.

I recognized Haymitch from previous Games and walked over to talk to him. At first, he didn't want to listen to me, because he was too busy attending his tributes' and Finnick's admirers. However, that changed when I said very loudly that I wanted to sponsor Johanna. He looked at me with his clear eyes, very different from the look the other man had thrown at me. He asked for my name, and his eyes widened a little when I answered. I was very intrigued by his reaction -since I had never even met him, and he didn't know me. I continued to explain my intentions and gave him the money; all while he studied my eyes and the axe pendant hanging proudly from my neck. He thanked me and started looking for something in his pockets. I was leaving, but he called after me and handled me a white envelope when I turned. I looked at him with baffled eyes.

"She hoped you wouldn't come, but she said you would show up sooner or later"

What was that supposed to mean? I just thanked him and headed toward the door. I decided the whole thing was very strange, and maybe it would be better to open the envelope alone in my room.

When I finally got to my house, I ran to my room so fast that I almost fell down the stairs. As soon as the door closed, I opened the envelope and found a letter written in Johanna's handwriting:

_I'm assuming you probably got this letter because you tried to sponsor me. Thank you, but I think I told you to stay away from the Games. I knew you wouldn't listen though -you never do what other people tell you to and that is one of the things I like [here my heart skipped a beat because the letters showed how insecure she was when she wrote the word] about you. But please, listen to me now, because this is the only thing I can do to protect you while I'm in the arena._

_Something is coming. I can't tell you what exactly, I'm not sure even I know; none of us do, but you should know that something big is going to happen. I'm pretty sure you'll notice it when it happens. You're a smart girl._

_When it comes, I don't want you to look back. You'll have to take care of yourself, and it's very possible that I won't be there to help you. You might have to run on your own. I need you to remember that very carefully: when the time comes, you run._

_Believe me when I say that there is nothing, absolutely nothing that can stop me from getting you back if I survive this. I can't promise that I will, but I'll try my best._

_I don't have the right to ask anything from you. You've done so much for me, and I can't say I've done much for you, but please, if you love me, do me a favor and survive. And know that no matter what happens, no matter where I am, I'll always keep you in my heart. I might not say it or show it, but it's there._

_Stay safe, okay?_

There was no goodbye, but I could feel it through her words. I couldn't even bring myself to cry; Johanna was asking me to be strong and to stay alive. I think she wanted me to leave the Capitol.

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A/N: quite an emotional chapter this one, don't you think? Please tell me what you think in the reviews and wait for the next chapter, I promise it's the best one yet.

Also, I'm thinking about making/editing a video about this story. Johanna will be portrayed by Jena Malone like in the movies, and I have a great actress in mind for 'Capitol Girl', who I think looks just like I picture her (little clues: she's British and she's played a lesbian girl on TV, although that isn't her most famous role). I'm not sure about the song, thought, so I would love suggestions on that subject as well as your thoughts on the idea. Would you like me to make the video? Again, thanks for supporting my story.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: Thank you SO, so much to Illuminated Blackness for the beta and all the support. Also thanks to my wonderful readers and reviewers. Hope you like!

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Chapter Seven

The government didn't seem to like the way Johanna was acting at the games, because every time she started talking, they would cut her off. Maybe she was revealing a few secrets concerning the methods President Snow used to control the victors. Whatever the case was, I found myself watching every second of the Games to make sure she was alive, but Mr. Heavensbee decided to show all of Panem the punishment she got for her actions- rather than her survival.

Johanna was doing fine, although she was a bit dehydrated. She was putting all her efforts in protecting the tributes from District Three, her allies, whom she obviously didn't like, because she nicknamed them "Nuts" and "Volts". Why would she make an alliance with them if she thought they were crazy? They had no fighting skills and no survival instincts; they only added another concern to her pretty busy mind.

The problems started when the male tribute from her District (who apparently was called Blight) hit the force field. Johanna didn't look sad or affected in any way by his death, although I did notice that thing in her eyes that usually indicated she was about to throw her axe at someone's face.

Johanna never slept. She just sat on the ground, guarding the other two tributes. Sometimes I wondered what kept her awake. Was it the fear? The experience telling her they were safer with her awake? The nightmares? Maybe she knew she couldn't afford to have bad dreams in the Arena -they would most certainly distract her from the real dangers in there.

The next day, it came the blood rain. I had to look away from the screen and even the little I saw was enough to give me nightmares for the rest of my life. I still dream about her face, covered in the red liquid, trying to guide her allies into safety. She couldn't even open her mouth, because she would choke on blood. I regained the ability to breathe when she reached the beach. She was safe for now, and she had found Finnick. I convinced myself then that she would made it out of that arena alive.

The next days were very similar. They were really owning the arena and it looked like the Careers weren't going to attack them any time soon. I was worried about the obvious fact that there would only be one winner, and they all looked quite comfortable as a team, but Johanna didn't seem to worry about it. She never missed a chance to make fun of the "star-crossed lovers". I couldn't help it to notice a hint of envy in her eyes when she looked at Peeta and Katniss. Maybe it was because in that moment of need, Katniss had something Johanna couldn't have. Possibly, and most likely, it was all in my mind, because I missed her too much.

After that spinning Cornucopia, Beetee revealed his plan to kill the Careers left. I had a strange feeling at this point, like there was something else going on; something that none of the tributes talked about, but almost all of them clearly knew. When Johanna was sent to protect Katniss, the feeling became more of certainty. There was definitely something going on.

The cameras followed when Brutus atacked them, Johanna jumped on top of Katniss, and she stuck her knife in her arm. Katniss was almost unconscious on the ground and Johanna threw her axe at the Careers so they would follow her. My heart was beating so fast that I almost didn't hear Finnick calling after her. The rest is a bit of a blur for me, although I do remember Katniss shooting an arrow to the force field, and the transmission being cut right after that.

I always watched the Games at the sponsor's party, because it gave me access to alcohol, and I didn't have to hear my mother. Everyone was talking really loud, and nobody knew what was happening. I looked around the the room for references and noticed that Haymitch was gone. I dashed to the street to try and get to my house as soon as possible. There were Peacekeepers everywhere already pushing people inside the buildings to keep the streets cleared. I was practically running when a hand stopped me by my wrist in a corner. A young man with dark hair and big green eyes looked at me with relief. He asked for my name and smiled when I answered.

"You have to come with me," he said with determination after letting go of my wrist.

"Why? I don't know who you are." There was something familiar about him, but I couldn't decide where I had seen him before.

"No. But if you want to live, you'll have to come with me right now. Look, this will prove she sent me." He handed me a paper in Johanna's handwriting.

_Whoever has this has the responsibility of getting you out of the Capitol and assumes the risk of getting it's ass kicked if something happens to you. Do as they tell you, they'll keep you safe._

"Time to run," the man said with a smile, and he led me through a dark street.

We crossed a few people on our way -all trying to run with heels and looking in pain. I was in heels too, but I had developed the ability to run with them in my nights out with Johanna. I could climb a mountain and back down while wearing them. I smiled at the memory of an empty, dark street where the only sound was our laughs, echoing in the night.

We reached an alley where there was a small van that looked a bit old and a lot like the ones the Peacekeepers used. I looked at him with suspicion, but he gave me a reassuring smile and ordered me to sit at the back while he entered the driver's door.

He told me to hide underneath some sacks and to keep quiet until we made it out of the Capitol. The ride (which looked like it was through a network of tunnels) gave me time to think about what was going on. I was leaving the Capitol; I was running without looking back from everything I had ever known. No more dresses, no more wigs, no more of my mother. I had a feeling this was the only way I could possibly find Johanna ever again and I felt confident enough to give up my whole life for her.

The man's voice pulled me out of my thoughts.

"We're out! Lucky thing I found you quite fast, and they were still shocked by what happened at the Games."

"What was all that about? Who are you?"

"The Revolution, miss! The Victors in the alliance were only trying to get the Mockingjay out of the arena so she can lead us to victory. "

"The what?" I was pretty confused. A revolution in Panem? I thought what had happened seventy five years ago had been enough to get those ideas out of everyone's mind. Apparently, I was wrong.

"The Mockingjay. That's how we call Katniss Everdeen, because of her pin and all. She is the symbol of the Revolution. I hope they managed to get her out."

Why was this man talking to me about Katniss Everdeen and birds? I didn't cared about any of that! "What about the other Victors?"

"I don't know. I guess we'll find out when we get there."

I almost punched him in the face. How could he talk so calmly about people risking their lives like that? Johanna was out there, and I was supposed to take it easy until we got wherever we were going? I stopped talking for a few minutes to calm myself. Worrying was of no use, and he was right; I could only wait until we got news. "Where are we going?"

"District Seven. It's the closest one to the Capitol, but big enough so they can't find you. Plus, it's already under rebel control."

I didn't talked for a while. There was so much to take in. I was finally going to Johanna's district, but she probably wouldn't be there. I doubted the center of the revolution would be on District Seven. Haymitch must have known about this, because he was the one who managed the alliance. Haymitch. That was it! I knew this man looked familiar!

"I know you. I've seen you at the sponsor's parties with Haymitch."

"My name's Alastair. I'm a rebel officer from District Seven. I was helping Haymitch with managing the alliance. I went into the Capitol as part of Blight's team...Blight was my brother."

I suddenly realized he was like me. He had just lost someone he loved, his brother; he understood at least in some way how I felt. I was about to give him my condolences when he spoke again.

"Johanna made me promise I would get you out the night before she went into the arena. There was no other way she would be a part of it; it was her only condition. I've known her all her life, and I'd never seen her so worried or serious about anything. You must've done something good."

I nodded and gave him a small smile. I couldn't speak, because I felt the tears coming to my eyes. It was silly, really. I knew she cared about me; she always took care of me, but hearing it from someone else had a different effect. No one but Finnick had ever acknowledged our relationship.

When we got to District Seven, I was sent straight to the Town Hall -the same one Johanna was standing in front of at the Reaping. A man called Commander Zeigh explained the situation to me, pretty much the same Alastair had told me, but I knew he was avoiding to mention the result of the rescue mission. I asked him about it, and he started rambling about the success they had with getting the Mockingjay out of the arena, but he wasn't mentioning Johanna. I couldn't stand a second more without knowing, so I cut him off mid-sentence.

"Sir, just tell me, what the hell happened to Johanna?!"

"I'm so sorry...she was taken by the Capitol."

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A/N: Please review and tell me what you think because I'm really proud of this chapter so I hope you liked it.

Also, remember telling me what you think about the idea I told you about in last chapter's notes (I want to make a video for this story featuring Jena Malone as Johanna and an actress I really really love as "Capitol girl"). Let me know if you would like to see it and which song you would like me to use. Thanks for reading and supporting!


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Thanks to Illuminated Blackness and all my wonderful readers for the support.

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Chapter Eight

I woke up in a very white room, still wearing the same dress I had when I left the Capitol. However, I had a bandage wrapped around my arm. Slowly, the last events that had happened came back to me. I remembered the Commander's office, the talk and the news, and the statement that had caused me a complete breakdown.

"I'm so sorry. She was taken by the Capitol."

I remembered fainting and voices around me right after, shadows with no faces, talking and giving orders.

"Take her to the hospital. Now!"

I looked at my arm and removed the bandage. Clearly, someone had stuck a needle in me. I tried to sit up, but I suddenly felt lightheaded and had to pull my head back down to the pillow. Then, a voice startled me.

"I would take it slow if I were you."

Alastair was on a chair next to my bed, looking into a glass of something. It looked like he had been there since they first put me in the bed.

"How long have I been asleep?"

"About five hours. You don't take bad news very good, do you? We had to give you some medicine to keep you from walking back to the Capitol to rescue her."

He paused and looked at me. I didn't really know what he was talking about; I remembered passing out after the news, but after that there was nothin. Even if I tried very hard to remember, I couldn't see anything beyond that. He must have seen it in my eyes, because he spoke again.

"You woke when we got you here, and you wouldn't calm down; you were trying to get away and were fighting the doctors. I think you even threw a punch or two. The nurse gave you a sedative, and you fell asleep right away."

Me, fighting? Really? The idea of my fists punching someone seemed insane to me, but apparently, there was an entire part of me I was yet to discover. I wondered how many new details about myself I would learn here.

The doctor made me stay at the hospital for the night and said I would be able to leave in the morning. Alastair stayed with me for a while and we talked about anything that would distract me from thinking about the scenario. He told me that everyone was trying their best to stay strong while this lasted. They were still trying to organize the district and to take control of the others. Alastair explained that District Seven was easy, because there were a lot more inhabitants than Peacekeepers, and the central command in District Thirteen had sent reinforcements. Then came the explanation about District Thirteen still existing. When he was about to leave, I couldn't help it but to ask if there was any chance of rescuing Johanna.

"Well, the kid from District Twelve is still there too, and he's important to the Mockingjay, so there'll most certainly be a rescue mission. If they succeed, and Johanna is still alive, they'll get her out. But I can't promise you anything."

I was left alone to stay awake for most of the night and fight against the nightmares during the little time I slept. My imagination was showing me every possible way the Capitol could be torturing Johanna. When I finally gave up on sleeping (a couple hours before dawn), I wondered what could have happened if Johanna hadn't saved me. I would probably be being tortured to make her confess whatever she knew about the Revolution, or dead just to torment her. After a while, I decided that if I was allowed to survive, I would do my best to help. I already knew I agreed with the Rebel cause; I still remembered my promise to Johanna all those years ago, when I said I would help her avenge her family's death. This was my chance to help.

Alastair came into my room with the doctor very early in the morning to take me to what would be my new home. They brought me some more suitable clothes (a white shirt and military green pants with a pair of black boots), which I put on after a quick shower. I'd never wore pants outside my room, so leaving the hospital somehow felt weird.

I entered my new apartment, which I would be sharing with three other girls. It had two bedrooms, a small living room, a kitchen and a bathroom. Something told me this wasn't the average room, like they were giving me some privileges, either because I was from the Capitol or because of Johanna.

Alastair suggested I slept some more, but I refused. Thinking wasn't doing any good to me and even if I managed to sleep the nightmares would haunt me. I needed to be busy... very busy.

I asked him if there was anything I could do to help -any job where they needed someone to help. He wasn't sure if he should allow me to work, I think he doubted I was qualified to do anything. Finally, he agreed to take me to Commander Zeigh and ask his opinion on the matter.

The Town Hall was crowded with soldiers and officers being ordered to the different parts of the district. They all had grey uniforms, but a patch in their jackets indicated their district. Most of them were from District Seven, although I did see some from District Thirteen. There was a slight majority of male soldiers, but there were quite a lot of female soldiers. I wondered if they would let me join the army.

Commander Zeigh was behind a desk filled with papers and ringing phones, much like the rest of the desks in the room, even though he was clearly the highest authority in the district. Why would they send me with him if he was as busy as he looked like?

The man looked tired. I don't think he had slept since they took control of the district. He had bags under his eyes that made him look older than he was -he was actually in his forties. He was bald and wore a rebel uniform with a red band that indicated he was in charge.

Alastair started talking, but the Commander didn't looked up from the paper he was reading.

"Sir, this young lady wishes to be assigned to a post."

"Why are you bringing her to me? You well know it's not my responsibility to assign..." He looked up and noticed me, his expression changing completely. "You've done well, Alastair." He gave a nod to the man standing next to me and looked in my direction. "And what post did you have in mind, miss?"

"I want to be a soldier."

I didn't understand why he looked like he was trying very hard not to laugh. Alastair had the same face.

"I'm afraid that's not an option. We have more than enough soldiers in this district, and I'm certain miss Mason wouldn't approve of it."

"Well she isn't here, isn't she?" I put up a serious mask and swallowed my need to cry at that. There would be plenty of time for that later when I was left alone.

"She isn't." The Commander made a pause and looked down, then again to me and continued. "No offense, miss, but you have no experience in life outside the Capitol. That is something we can't teach you. Have you ever worked at all?"

I mentioned my brief experience as a fashion designer's assistant, which consisted mostly in answering his phone, managing his agenda and taking care of all the paperwork. Quite boring actually, but it was just a distraction from my life while Johanna was back in Seven. Proof that the Universe has a sense of humor.

The Commander looked into a file and considered the options. Nurse, definetly not; blood it's not my cup of tea. Nothing that involved going into battle, nothing that required physical strength. A blonde girl about seventeen years old, dressed in uniform, approached the desk and placed a cup of coffee on it. The Commander smiled at her, and his eyes widened.

"This is my daughter, Rose. She is one of your roommates." She smiled at me and aimed to walk away, but her father stopped her. He introduced me and explained that Rose had been acting as an assistant to all the officers in the room, but she was barely coping with all the work there was to be done. I understood right away what he was going for, and I liked the idea.

"How would you feel about helping her out around here?"

I agreed immediately, not because I enjoyed the office work, but because if there was any news, I would be one of the firsts to find out. Alastair said goodbye and left me with Rose, who took me to a room filled with uniforms. She gave me one and showed me a little changing room. After I changed into the very comfortable military suit, Rose said we should go back to the appartment to get me settled in before starting with my new job the next day.

When we arrived, neither of the two girls were there. I asked about them, and Rose explained that the two other girls were sisters- a soldier and a nurse. They shared one of the rooms, and Rose and I would be sharing the other.

The room had just enough space for the two beds, and a bedside table in between them. Behind the door was a small closet. Lucky thing none of us had a lot more than our uniforms, because the size of it wasn't even half the space I used for my shoes alone!

Rose was a tall, blonde girl with the bluest eyes I have ever seen. Her skin was snow white, but her cheeks were very pink, and I couldn't avoid thinking they were the reason for her name. Her ocean deep eyes showed the same kindness you could see in her father's.

She offered to prepare some food for us, but I declined, because I didn't think I could have been able to keep it in me. However, Rose was determined to get me to at least drink a cup of tea, so she put the kettle on and sat next to me at the kitchen table. Her melodious voice spoke softly.

"You know you can always come to me if you need to talk, right? Here, we all have to support each other, so I'm here for you if you need me." She sounded reassuring, and she emphasized her intention with a smile and a squeeze to my hand, which she held between hers.

I gave her a sad smile, but I couldn't bring myself to answer. I had stayed strong the whole day, and the need to cry was becoming too strong to fight. The first tears started to fall, slowly tracing lines on my cheeks, but they soon became too many to keep my head up. Therefore, I buried my face in Rose's arms. She didn't care that I was soaking her shirt, or that my fists were clinging to her like my life depended on it. She just held me, allowing me to quietly let it all out.

We stayed like that for about half an hour, until I slowly regained control over my feelings. I managed to pull my head up and move my hair away from my face. Rose stood up and replaced my already cold tea with a hot cup. She said something about finding supplies for dinner and promised to be back soon. Before leaving, she placed her soft hand in my shoulder. I covered it with my own before turning to her and mouthing "thank you"; my voice still trapped in my throat. She gave me a small smile and left me alone in the apartment.

I walked to my room and noticed the clothes I'd brought from the Capitol. It was just a simple red dress and matching shoes. I couldn't stand looking at them; they were last link to my life in the Capitol. I went back to the kitchen and found a plastic bag inside a cupboard. I placed the dress and shoes in the bag and took it outside, leaving it in a garbage can across the street.

That was it. I had nothing left to connect me to the Capitol, nothing left I could call mine. There only was the axe pendant Johanna had given me, which was quite fitting, because Johanna was the only thing I had left. However, I couldn't have her because of the Capitol. They were my enemies now; President Snow was my enemy, and I knew I would do anything to get Johanna back. I couldn't consider the possibility of her death, because then there wouldn't be anything left for me. I would have to kill him and then myself.

I decided to try and get some sleep. I would assume my duties the next day and do as much as I could to help. From that moment on, I became part of the Revolution.

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A/N: Hope you liked the chapter and the new cover (which I made with all my love for you ;) Some interesting events to come in next chapter. You'll have to wait and read...As usual, review and tell me your thoughts.

For those waiting for the video, I'll do my best, but it takes a lot of work and time that I don't have right now. Still, I'll do everything I can to get it done. Be patient!


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: As always, thanks to Illuminated Blackness for the beta. Also, I would like to personally thank Scarletwolfx, who reviews in every chapter and has supported this story from day one. Thank you so much! And thanks to every reviewer who take their time to tell me what you think about the story.

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Chapter Nine

My job was simple: move paperwork around the town hall, answer phones, and bring delicacies for the officers. Rose explained everything I needed to know the first day, but it was actually quite easy. Still, that didn't mean there was a lack of work to do. Rose and I were running around the building the whole day and barely had time to talk or eat lunch ourselves. At least I didn't had much time to think about Johanna being in the Capitol, because the exhaustion compelled me to sleep every night. Rose's soft touch helped too, when I had bad dreams.

When we came back to the apartment, we showered quickly and started preparing dinner for us and the other two girls. At first I was just helping, because I didn't know absolutely anything about cooking, but after a while, I started learning how to make some things myself. Baking pastries was my favorite type of cooking, and I became surprisingly good at it. Sometimes, I baked cookies or scones for the officers. For some reason, I felt like they would do a better job if they had decent food to eat with their coffees.

The other girls were very understanding with me when I was getting used to my new life. For example, they helped when I messed something up at the house. Well, almost all of them. Rose and Willow (a nurse) were very kind and tried to help me as much as they could, but Nina (a soldier) was not happy with having me around. A lot of things about her reminded me of Johanna, so being around her wasn't easy for me either. She was the kind of girl Johanna was like when she was in public: rude, sarcastic, and shielded from everyone and everything. It got better when I learned to do more things by myself, and even though we never got to be friends really (I couldn't blame her, I was from the Capitol, the impersonation of everything she despised), we managed to keep the relationship good enough to live through the war without killing each other.

I kept bumping into Alastair around the Town Hall. He worked at the Commander's office, and he looked too busy to leave his work, but he always stopped to talk to me. He was a really good friend to me. I didn't know why he was so interested in me; perhaps it was because he promised Johanna that he would take care of me and that didn't end when he got me out of the Capitol, or maybe he was waiting for the moment when the war would be too much for me to handle. A small part of me thought he wasn't convinced that Johanna was still alive, and he just felt sorry for me.

Some days, it almost felt like that was the only life I'd ever known. It was so easy, letting go of every thought in my head and forget everything, all my worries, all my nightmares. But I couldn't do that; I couldn't forget Johanna, because it didn't matter how perfect that life felt; there was something missing. I could try and smile as much as I wanted, but that sadness was always there. That's why I had to find her. It didn't matter if I had a good night and managed to keep the nightmares away or I'd stayed up all night, every day I had to get up and do my job, do my part to get her back.

When Alastair rescued me, he'd said District Seven was under rebel control. Turns out there were some parts of the district that were still controlled by the Capitol, but since the main town was controlled by the rebels, it took less than a week to take control of the whole district. As for the rest of Panem, the rebels were winning every district one by one (except for District Two, I heard the battle was worst there, although I didn't know why). More news came in every day, but never the news I wanted to hear. And not knowing was slowly killing me.

Sometimes I woke up in the middle of the night wanting to turn around and see Johanna sleeping next to me, like it'd been just a dream, but when I opened my eyes reality was there to punch me right in the chest. Those were the nights when I cried, the only moments when I allowed myself to let my feelings out. Usually Rose would wake after a while and sit on the edge of my bed, holding my hand first, then holding me in her arms until I fell asleep again. She was younger than me and still she felt like the mother I never had.

I was intrigued by this ability she had, like a natural maternal instinct to help those who needed it. I asked Willow about it once, and she explained that Rose's mother had died at the birth of her little brother, so she took care of him. I remembered a photo Rose had on her part of the closet; one that showed her, a few years younger, her father and a little boy. Her little brother who had died at the Games.

I never looked at Rose with the same eyes after I found that out. She'd been through so much and still she cared about me. I was from the Capitol, I was responsible for her brother's death, maybe even for her mother's, given the way people was treated at the districts, but to Rose's eyes I was just a girl who needed help. She was so much stronger than me, better than me in so many ways. I promised myself that no matter what happened I would stay strong, because I owed it to Rose. She'd put a huge effort in helping me; I couldn't just selfishly throw all that away because I was having a hard time. I would have to cope.

So I went on with my life, working, baking, and waiting for any news. Every once in a while, I asked Alastair if he knew anything, but for a while, there was nothing. Still, that changed the day Peeta warned District Thirteen about a bombing. Alastair asked if I had a minute and walked with me to an empty hallway.

"Look, this isn't definitive, but I heard they are planning a rescue mission. I don't know when they are going to do it or if they will. There is a chance she's still alive and they can get her out, although you have to keep in mind that they'll probably take her to Thirteen first."

"I know, and I don't really care, as long as she's safe."

I thanked him for telling me. I knew the Commander and other officers wouldn't have approved telling me so soon.

That afternoon, I went into the woods to find some fruit for a cake. I liked it there, because there was so much fresh air, and it was so different from the Capitol. I could picture myself living there with Johanna after the war. I wanted that to be my future, even if sometimes it felt like it was impossible.

I'd been around the forest for less than half an hour when Alastair appeared. He looked strange without his uniform, like there was something out of place. He asked if I minded him being around. I didn't of course, I considered him a friend with which I could joke and be a little more like my old self.

"So, this is what you do when you're not getting coffee for us"

"Sometimes. Is this what you do when you're not rescuing girls from the Capitol?" He laughed at my question and picked some berries from a bush, placing them on my bag. I didn't know why, but he looked somewhat distracted, like there was something else on his mind. I took the opportunity to look at him, given he was closer to me, but he was avoiding my gaze. "Is everything alright?"

He looked up at me and without saying anything he kissed me full on the lips. I was so surprised I gave a couple of steps backwards, only to find myself trapped between him and a tree. I regained control of my body and put my hands on his chest, forcing him to break the kiss. It didn't feel right; my lips were used to Johanna; I was in love with her, and I didn't want to kiss anyone but her.

"Alastair what are you doing?!"

"I'm sorry. I just couldn't be around you anymore pretending I don't have these feelings for you, without you knowing the truth." Again, he wasn't looking at me, he was focused on the ground. I had to say something, but suddenly, I felt terrible about breaking his heart. He was my friend, but I couldn't lie to him.

"You, of all people, know how I feel about Johanna. I know you don't believe she's alive-" He tried to deny it, but I cut him off. I needed to get this sorted out as soon as possible. "Don't. I know you don't. But I do, and unless someone can confirm I'm wrong, I'll still believe that we'll be together again. I'm so sorry if I gave you the wrong idea."

I took my bag and headed back home before he could answer. I knew that if I gave him the chance to apologize, I would start feeling even more guilty than I already did. I had to run before he said that he fancied me or something worse.

After that incident, it took a while before Alastair talked to me again. I tried not to be mad at him for it, but it was hard knowing that he might find out something about Johanna and he wouldn't tell me. Fortunately, not long after that, Commander Zeigh called me to his desk. I was scared about the news he could have, but Rose took my hand and accompanied me.

"You don't know this, but District Thirteen sent a rescue mission to the Capitol earlier today. I'm very happy to inform you that Johanna was found alive. She's a bit weak and in need of medical care, but the doctor said she should be fine."

I couldn't contain my happiness. As soon as I heard "Johanna" and "alive" in the same sentence I jumped into Rose's arms and hugged her so thight that for a moment I thought I would take all the air out of her lungs. The tears were already soaking my uniform, but I didn't care. Johanna was alive.

When Rose and I were preparing to leave, the Commander called me to his desk again.

"You must understand that when I said "weak" I didn't just meant physically. The Capitol tortured her and she'll need a lot of help. For now she'll stay at Thirteen, but when all this is over she'll come home and she'll need you. Just...be prepared for it."

I thanked him and went back to the apartment with Rose. Of course I was worried about Johanna, but she was alive and they couldn't hurt her any more. I knew that I would do everything in my power to get her better; she would be fine, and I would feel complete again.

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A/N: thank you for reading! It's so sad that we are close to the end of this story...I've come to really love this characters and their story and it's hard to say goodbye. Please leave a review with your thoughts, I'll really appreciate it.


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